Wouldn't it be lovely...*

... to fast forward like that?

*My Fair Lady

People that bug people

I'm getting looks now. And snotty comments. According to those two I have become one of them. For shame! I am now one of those brainless women that wait for a man. My life is on hold until he comes and until then my life has no meaning, my days have no air. Yes, this is what they think. Do I care? No, I don't. Who are they, anyway? One has been living in a disfunctional relationship for an embarassing number of years, the other has been alone for an entire lifetime (not that I think less of people for that, but then don't come with that holier than thou attitude like they would never make the same mistake).

I am in love. That's the greatest thing ever. For about a year it'll be long distance. Do I like it? Of course not. But things are what they are and I'm living my life the best way I know how (and as a matter of fact, I think I'm doing a brilliant job at it!). I have the best person ever by my side and the future looks bright. So what if the present is a bit less than perfect?

About flying and soaring...

"With all there is

Why settle for just a piece of sky"

Living in the future

Every day has little bits of time when I'm not living here. I'm living in the future. I'm projecting and planning and dreaming. I think of the things I'm going to take, in what order, when, how and where I'm going to put them. I'm practicing skills I never quite developed simply because until now I didn't need to. I dream about creating and adjusting to new traditions. New habits. And a new life. A happy life.

Mmmm... I really do

Where's Dick Van Dyke when you need him?

I find Mr Banks (David Tomlinson's character in Mary Poppins) a great example. He is the sort of father that provides for his family, comes home, pats the children on the head, all nice and proper, and that's it. Then after a talk with a chimney sweeper and after being fired he realizes the importance of smaller things like flying a kite with his kids. Things get better because he decides to change.

But the sad thing here - in real life - is that he doesn't want to change. And so things can never change and get better. Because it takes two. I'm ready to be a different daughter, but I won't do it alone. This isn't Little House on the Prairie, you know! I'm not a cold person, I'm just detatched because I have to be. It's a defense mechanism. Funny thing is that it takes more out of me to be this way than to be the sort of daughter he wants me to be. Unfortunately, as Velma sings, but I can't do it alone.

We exist

We dream, we plan, we're happy.

2nd mugcake

Something went terribly wrong...

Silence is golden

Priorities and keys

I'm a bit off my game. There's parts of me that I've been neglecting for a while now. It's been months since I last danced. Ages since I last sang. Weeks since I've last watched a musical. I miss it. But right now it hurts too much. Right now I simply can't. I have to focus on other priorities. Other things in my life. Good things. I've stripped away part of me, put it in a drawer, locked it and wear the key near my heart. That's the way it's going to be for a while, a great while. And I'm not sad - quite the contrary, the future's looking bright! - but still I just know I'll miss it terribly.