Saturday, July 31, 2010

The power of sugestion

Today is gonna be a good day. A mild, gentle day. With a wicked night on top. Today I'm going to be happy.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The secret of loveliness

Sarusa in a box

Have you ever had the feeling that your life is drowning you under? Of being trapped living the life of a 50 year old when you're not even 25? Right now my life feels like a long slow walk to the cemetery. I feel old. And unlived. Like those star wars toys that become collectors' items and never even leave the box.

I want to change. I need to change. I can change. How? How do you tear away your feelings and just become the happy go getter you want to be? How do you leave life's bus stop behind and start treading you own path towards happiness?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Férias é...

... pegar na mala e partir. Acordar com um horizonte diferente. É idas à praia, mesmo que feitas por comboio. É ler um livro por semana. Acordar sem despertador. Deixar empoeirar os dicionários. É não fazer cambalhotas com a agenda. É ter a pele salgada e os sonos mansos. Comer peixe como se não houvesse amanhã. É borgas e noitadas. É deixar o relógio em casa.

Este ano não há férias. Nem sequer pseudo-folgas. Este ano é uma merda.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It's all so quiet...

When I was a child I used to watch women on tv crying without making a sound or even moving a muscle. They looked so peaceful, like nothing was happening. Their eyes just happened to be leaking. It always puzzled me. It enfuriated me because how could they be so calm? How was it possible to feel so much pain and keep it in you as if nothing's wrong? Why the strain? If you're sad you should just cry, people be damned. In fact, if you've been hurt people should know they caused it.

I never understood those women. And then I grew up.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Às criaturas estranhas

Os outros somos nós

HSM philosophy to me through

This is not to be viewed as The End, but rather as the start of something new.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Making light of something heavy


I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of feeling alone. Of worming my way into people's lives. Of being special for all the wrong reasons. Of never being my age. Of people presuming I'm different because it's just my nature, because is just some random coincidence. Or worst, that I like being and and living like this. Of thinking that I'm cold and detatched. Of being branded my the past.

I'm simply exausted...

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Thank you

I'm all good now. Well, at least patched and on the way to an "all goodness" state of mind. And I wouldn't have gotten this far without her.
Five minutes after I heard and published the news she was asking me how I was. I crumbled. Lost all composure and cried and blabbed it all out. It made me good. And throughout this past week she kept checking on me. And that made all the difference. So thank you B for being here :)


Yesterday, as I was cutting his hair I kept hearing nana's voice. What she would say if she saw me playing with the razor, making patterns on his head until there was nothing left to cut. Then later she babytalking him to sleep. Calling us by those old petnames.

It's weird. Somehow I feel her more now than when she lived.

2nd round

Amanhã pela fresquinha (se é que tal temperatura existe...) o meu irmão vai novamente à faca. Aquela coisinha de 22 anos e 28 quilos. Um pauzinho com vida. Fininho e fraquinho. Há vidas que realmente...