Monday, February 27, 2012

New country, different body

When you move to a foreign country, conditions are always somewhat different than where you came from originally. The weather, the food, the customs and routines probably won't be the same. So obviously your body behaves differently and sometimes it takes a while (lets say a few years) for you to tune your ear to what it's saying and to adjust completely to your new environment.

Coming from a very sunny country, I find I need vitamin supplements (especially vitamin D) to keep me going through the day. If I fail to take then I'll get SAD (Seasonal Affecting Disorder). It sounds like a posh name for something meaningless, but trust me, if you don't take care of it it can get pretty big pretty fast! Also, because I'm used to higher temperatures, it's sometimes tricky to keep my daily water intake, because here I hardly ever feel thristy. Right now I'm a bit under the weather - constant sneezing or feeling like I'm about to, nose clogged up yet feeling runny, voice damaged but not exactly hoarse. So I started treating it like it was a simple cold. Now, after three nights and two days of it it's beginning to dawn on me that it might be allergies. I've never had them in my life, but since my living conditions have certainly changed, this might be a first of many!

To some extent, sometimes it's just easier to forget what you know and restart your system entirely. Just create a national default mode for your newly adopted country. Open your eyes and learn the way of the land. Learn from the natives, after all they've been living here a heck of a lot longer than you! Just get it into your head that "resistance is futile". New country, new way of living. Make that your motto. I've kept some aspects of my old life (a few recipes, a handful of daily routines, etc) but most of it went out the window. It had to. And now I'm all for learning a new way of living, by trial and error if it must. Me and my body learning along the way. Hey, maybe I can even turn it around and introduce some new ingredients in my life. And God knows some of them have been long overdue!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Unwise love

We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That's as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.

The wise man's fear, Patrick Rothfuss

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Reviewing the situation*

I feel older. I am older. Closer to thirty than to twenty. Past-me sort of expected me to have my life figured out by now, and that freaks me out a little. I guess the whole "stop comparing yourself to others and just live your life" is going to be somewhat of a life-long lesson. And I'm okay with that, as well as I can be.

But even though I might look lost and lacking a plan, the truth is I took great strides from where I was a year ago. Last year I had a plan. This year I'm living it, so much so that I'm a bit confused as to what should follow next. But I'm IN the plan, I'm actually living it. And that's nothing short of brilliant! Now all I need is to keep going, even when it looks a bit hopeless. Because the hardships are part of it. And in little while (how little is yet to be determined, though) things will start to get better and better. And who knows what an entire year can hold? So I'm keeping true and steady, with a grin on my face and a long way to go.



Today's my 26th birthday. The first of many since moving to the UK. It's a lousy, rainy day outside and I'm alone for the day. If I were to trust the information given by my own senses, I'd cry. I've I were to give them space my own emotions and fears would eat me up. The weather. Being far away from my family and friends. Being a year older and still not knowing exactly what the heck I'm doing with my life. All that could easily crush me. IF I were to let it. Which I don't intend to. Not today, anyway.

So, for today I decided to pamper me as best as I can. I grabbed my laptop and went in search of a nice and cosy coffee shop with free wi-fi (from where all this ranting is being typed). Then I'll take a stroll, do some shopping, head back home, watch a movie (probably a musical), read a bit and then start prepping something special for dinner. Maybe even get a small birthday cake with a candle, just to celebrate the day. That's it. That's my grand, magnificent day! So lets get to it!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Moving forwards

I come from a small family. A family that is only getting smaller, one death at a time. With all the loss around me it somehow seems strange how and where did I find the audacity to move to a foreign country, so far away from what little I have left. But I did. And I even though I look back quite a lot, I've never regretted my decision. Because with every death the bonds that tied me to the living started to feel more and more like multiple nooses around my neck. I resembled Miss Havisham, from Dickens' Great Expectations; I was getting old without ever being young and without ever having a life to call my own. So I left. Now all that is left to tie us is blood and love. Now things are as they should always have been. It's sad, but it's true. Now my life is whatever I decide to make of it. The future is moving forwards and I'm creating my own path. And who knows? I might even start my own family. To create a new future instead of being always chained to the past. More than anything all that I feel for my family is love. No more resentment, no more feeling trapped in a hiatus. I'm living my life, and I love them for being part of it. And it feels right.