Saturday, November 14, 2009

I'm not that girl*

These have been rocky months. Depressoville. And it only makes me feel more spoiled and petty. So many people around me have bigger problems than mine that my complaining seems childish. Like I could just shake it off if I wanted. But that's easier said than done! I'm long past the point where it was all a matter of glass half empty/ half full. I'm a mess. Worse, I'm an exposed mess. Couch digging is not yet fruitful; for now it just brings to light all horribleness inside. Which doesn't make my job any easier.

It's a vicious circle. I feel ashamed. I shun people away. I feel lonely and depressed. I make more mistakes. I keep from singing and dancing. I die a little inside. I make mistakes. I get disappointed and angry with myself. I make more mistakes. And on and on and on...

Somehow I have to break it. To focus on the daily to-do lists, the small joys I still have, to drown all the voices in my head. Find strengh in myself. In numbers if need be. I need some serious rescuing.

Because I became a stupid damsel in distress. And I'm really not that girl.

*Wicked Soundtrack
(again with the double meaning...)

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