Friday, February 26, 2010

The trouble with people

It's only been three weeks and I'm already a wreck. Breaking point right ahead. It's not the work itself, it's the people. I'm used to managing a lot of things at once. But people are a hell of a pain. It's that look on their face. I can see it in their eyes, they must think that just because I don't have a job I spend all day lying on the couch doing nothing. That I'm just being lazy. That I could do more if I really wanted to. That I should this and not do that. Yes, everyone has something to say. Everyone thinks they could pull it off better.

And it hurts to know that I've sacrificed all I could to make it this far. Family time. Social life. Personal time. I have no life besides this. I've cut and cut and cut. My existence is all about the masters and the School of Musicals (and even here I'm behind!). Some criticize my lack of social life, that I'm overworking. They say I'm too young for this, I should go out, be with my friends, date, have fun, do normal things people my age do. Others think I should quit whatever little crumbs I have left. Go the whole hog and then some.

It kills me inside. I can cope with having tons of things to do, going to bed tired, waking up with a huge to-do list on my nightstand. But going far beyond what I can usually take, doing my very best to keep afloat, to keep everything up and running and then having people at my back... That is the last straw. I'm working my hardest. Is it too much to ask for a little support and encouragement??

Besides, this is only the third week. If I start pulling all-nighters and hiding in the bunker now I will not make it to April. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I will not cross the threshold of what my body can handle only to have a nervous breakdown in the middle of a test or a presentation. Been there, done that, learned my lesson.

Thank you very much. Good night.

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