Half a meerkat on stand by

I miss dancing. And acting. And singing on stage. I miss going out and going to the movies. I miss dinner with friends and overall I miss people. I spend the great majority of my days at home in front of my laptop working. On my own. I miss a lot of things. But then on a day like today I realize that I'm really on the right path. I'm doing what I must to take my next step. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm actually liking it. The work I mean. More than I've thought I would. And I'm doing better than I ever thought I would. Granted, I still make mistakes, but considering I'm just an intern... that to be expected. So yeah, I'm happy. And even though sometimes it feels I'm sacrificing too great a slice of what I love, in the end it's worth it.

Tv shows and Leamington Spa

In preparation for my big move to the UK on the upcoming summer, I started watching a bit more of BBC entertainment, the only English channel I can catch on my tv. Sadly what this really means is that I've been watching insanely huge amounts of The weakest link. (Why is it always on I will never understand...). It's far from being my favourite tv show, in fact it's only something I'd care to watch at 4 in the morning to get rid of insomnia. But it hasn't been fruitless.

At the beginning I could only fully understand the question after the answer was already given and most of what the contestants said throughout the show was utterly lost on the way to my brain. Honestly, some people's accents... But now... Now I get 98% of it all and can even get the questions at the same time (and occasionally even before) the contestants do. I have to say I'm beyond proud. But that's not even the end of it! Last night I surprised myself by instantaneously knowing that the answer to a question about some place near Warwick was Leamington Spa (of course the question wasn't that vague, which makes it even more note-worthy!). Ha! I'm one very, very happy meerkat right now!

I'm in love with this!

It kills sheep!*

I grew up with the notion that a lot of things about myself were bad. And unfortunately those were aspects of my personality that were so deeply rooted that no matter how hard I tried they would always pop back up. As soon as I started feeling comfortable, as soon as I let my guard down, they would show their ugly head. Sadly those were things that I actually liked about myself. Like the bubbles and the sheep impression. And now I find out that there's nothing wrong with me. That I can be loved despite all that. Better yet, that someone can actually love that part of me too.

*Love's Labour's Lost, William Shakespeare

Dinner and blessings

Yesterday I went out with former colleagues from my masters. It was good. It's been a while since my last dinner with friends. I missed it. And (being a little shallow and vain for a moment) sometimes it's nice putting on make-up and fussing about which earrings to wear. And it's great to know what's been up with their lives, to know there's people in same boat I am, with so much going on that time for readings is close to none. And to know which translation books and authors each one is exploring and exchanging tips and whatnot. Also, it feels very good recapturing my life for these past few months, even the bits to come I wasn't so into. Because it sorta makes you count your blessings so in the end you look at it and say Yeah, I did that or Yeah, it's going great and I have a sound plan. And it makes you happy and proud. And confident. And hopeful.

I sometimes think that too...

I miss that...

- Your nose is cold!
- Well... I'm a meerkat, you know?

The movie in my mind*

Every time I close my eyes my mind gets full. Of images past and dreams to make happen. Of all we've had so far. The trips, the places, the love, the meals, the tickets, the movies, the snuggles, the cooking. Of so much still ahead of us. The dinners we'll throw, the roadtrips we'll make, the living together, the books read in bed, the plans that will keep coming, the dreams getting bigger. And every day I cross a day off the calendar. And I go to sleep and think of that. To keep me company in night and bring me something to work harder for in the morning.

*Miss Saigon

Small truth

There's always a musical to cheer you up.

Good things needed

Stupid distance...

It will be, won't it?

A pink bubble at full speed

I'm overdreaming. These days I just can't seem to switch it off. I guess it's just a defence mechanism of sorts. I keep projecting and planning the future so I can forget the present. And so as it happens I now have mental pop ups in my brain about the most tiny of details. How to manage the coffee stash (coffee here being code for... coffee), furniture that can be moved around or purchased, oh and I should buy a corkboard to keep near the desk in the office, what sort of morning routine we'll have on weekdays and on weekends, we must buy a stool so I can reach the upper shelves, how to maximise storage in the kitchen, how to solve the whole dictionary conundrum and also I want a pillow shaped like a robot. It's nice to dream and all but this is starting to drive me mental. It's non stop. Like a life support system, as if by chance it were to get switched off I would be forced to face reality as it truly is with no pink bubble by my side and would then colapse and break down.

Reminiscing

Creeping up on me

I find it sort of funny that at this early stage I miss the UK so much as I do. I can't really put my finger on it, but the fact is that I feel kind of homesick. And I don't mean missing living with the wolf. That's a given. I love him to bits and want nothing more than to wake up next to him every single morning. But this is different.

Oddly enough - and my astonishment isn't to say that the people/country are/is hard to like/miss, but rather that I just thought I wouldn't miss it so soon - I miss the tv shows, the radio channels, the way people behave, the shops, the constant smell of food in the air, the easiness of navigating your way in train station, the architecture, the driving on the other side of the road, the accents, the cheap books, the wit and humour, the streets I was beggining to know, the snowdrops, the possibility of catching a musical with considerable ease, the way things seem to run so smoothly, how there's always this certainty of finding something you'd never expect (like fish massage). And now I can't wait to go back.

We're always better when we're together*

*Jack Johnson

A step in the right direction*

Well, here I am. In the place that has always been my home. Granted, it's not where I want to be anymore, but that's just life. It's what one would call having a reeeeeally long breath before taking a leap. So I wait. I cross the days off my calendar one by one. And in the meantime I do what I can to change things. And to be honest things do move along. I have a laptop now. A shiny red thing that I'm still learning how to use. It's mine. After much work I have got myself a laptop. That's a step in the right direction. Also I've started another brownie points campaign (like I had a choice...) and am now studying for a new translation. I bought new tools to help me along the way and I'm starting my research for the report due at the end of July. So yes, I'm following the yellow brick road and no matter how long it may be I will get to my very own Emerald City.

*Bedknobs and broomsticks