The dream greed

I want everything I see and everything I read about. Waking up next to each other every day, our daily routine somehow finding some harmony, reading in bed before going to sleep. Watching movies together on the couch. Making meals, redecorating, sharing chores. Going away for a weekend just because we can. Not counting days. Having a cupboard just for mugs. Having a cork board with musical tickets and Shakespeare posters next to his poster of the Enterprise. Trips to ikea and assembling furniture together. Buying a blue cd tower. Driving to places on his car. Finding my own routine. Making is house our home. And so much more I'm afraid to voice it. Things so well into the future that I fear jinxing it or sounding too girly and silly. I could dream well into our eighties. But as the musical character Harold Hill puts it, you pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.

Dreaming of a life together

Adventure is out there*

Sometimes I just want to skip ahead. There's so many dreams and so much love. So much for us to live together. And I'm stuck here. Granted, eight months have gone by, only three more to go. Granted, I have done a lot. Finished translation studies (in only a week, which makes me a rock star), started the internship, took 7 kg of my stuff to our place, worked in the book section at el corte inglés, did a Spanish A2 level course, met his whole family, he met mine, I bought a laptop and tools to help me get my life going once I move there. But still... I guess it's just sheer anticipation. The feeling you have the second right before you start running, before you make a big move. I want it all. Starting with living together and then moving on and on and on, all the way into a long and bright future together. And I can wait to start living it.

*Up!

Half a meerkat on stand by

I miss dancing. And acting. And singing on stage. I miss going out and going to the movies. I miss dinner with friends and overall I miss people. I spend the great majority of my days at home in front of my laptop working. On my own. I miss a lot of things. But then on a day like today I realize that I'm really on the right path. I'm doing what I must to take my next step. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm actually liking it. The work I mean. More than I've thought I would. And I'm doing better than I ever thought I would. Granted, I still make mistakes, but considering I'm just an intern... that to be expected. So yeah, I'm happy. And even though sometimes it feels I'm sacrificing too great a slice of what I love, in the end it's worth it.

Tv shows and Leamington Spa

In preparation for my big move to the UK on the upcoming summer, I started watching a bit more of BBC entertainment, the only English channel I can catch on my tv. Sadly what this really means is that I've been watching insanely huge amounts of The weakest link. (Why is it always on I will never understand...). It's far from being my favourite tv show, in fact it's only something I'd care to watch at 4 in the morning to get rid of insomnia. But it hasn't been fruitless.

At the beginning I could only fully understand the question after the answer was already given and most of what the contestants said throughout the show was utterly lost on the way to my brain. Honestly, some people's accents... But now... Now I get 98% of it all and can even get the questions at the same time (and occasionally even before) the contestants do. I have to say I'm beyond proud. But that's not even the end of it! Last night I surprised myself by instantaneously knowing that the answer to a question about some place near Warwick was Leamington Spa (of course the question wasn't that vague, which makes it even more note-worthy!). Ha! I'm one very, very happy meerkat right now!

I'm in love with this!

It kills sheep!*

I grew up with the notion that a lot of things about myself were bad. And unfortunately those were aspects of my personality that were so deeply rooted that no matter how hard I tried they would always pop back up. As soon as I started feeling comfortable, as soon as I let my guard down, they would show their ugly head. Sadly those were things that I actually liked about myself. Like the bubbles and the sheep impression. And now I find out that there's nothing wrong with me. That I can be loved despite all that. Better yet, that someone can actually love that part of me too.

*Love's Labour's Lost, William Shakespeare

Dinner and blessings

Yesterday I went out with former colleagues from my masters. It was good. It's been a while since my last dinner with friends. I missed it. And (being a little shallow and vain for a moment) sometimes it's nice putting on make-up and fussing about which earrings to wear. And it's great to know what's been up with their lives, to know there's people in same boat I am, with so much going on that time for readings is close to none. And to know which translation books and authors each one is exploring and exchanging tips and whatnot. Also, it feels very good recapturing my life for these past few months, even the bits to come I wasn't so into. Because it sorta makes you count your blessings so in the end you look at it and say Yeah, I did that or Yeah, it's going great and I have a sound plan. And it makes you happy and proud. And confident. And hopeful.

I sometimes think that too...

I miss that...

- Your nose is cold!
- Well... I'm a meerkat, you know?