Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.
[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.
Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I love you too.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither.
[Rachel complaining about her father]
Rachel: Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".
Chandler: Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Susie: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it.
Chandler: [dancing and singing] She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back.
Monica: Don't you still have to pee?
Chandler: That's why I'm dancing.
[about Ross' new baby]
Rachel: I can't believe one of us has one of these.
Chandler: I know. I still am one of these.
Joey: Ok Ross, you're gettin a divorce... you're angry, you're hurtin... can I tell you what the answer is?... STRIP JOINTS! Come on! You're single! Have some hormones!
Ross: But I don't want to be single... I just want to be married again
[Rachel walks in wearing wedding dress]
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!
Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls.
Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God.
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.
Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.
[Joey enters wearing an elf costume. Chandler is in agony]
Chandler: Too many jokes. Must mock Joey.