Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Mea culpa

This is an important post. And I have no idea how to begin.

Ok, first of all, when it comes to my personal life I'm a total blabbermouth. Which isn't exactly new information for people following this blog. If I have a headache I'll post about it, if I have a splinter or a papercut, if I'm moody, if I'm anxious, or sad, or happy. Pretty much any 'if' would do. Many would say I'm winny and/or have too much time on my hands. To them I say: 'I don't care' (of course, all of you who come here on a regular basis would say I do care. And you'd be right).

Second, when I put my mind to it I can be worse than a dog with a bone. I won't let it go. Ever. And the sad thing is, once you get obsessed about something, the world around you starts to shrink until there's only you and the damned bone. And maybe there are other ways to get results; it's no good. By then I can't think outside the box. There's only me and the bone.

Third, this place is a dump. Seriously! All my online pages are used not only to communicate, but mainly to release stuff. Stress. Fear. Paranoia. You name it. Because writing makes it better. So I put everything in here, all sorts of rubbish. (If I really depended on people's feedback I'd have stopped writing a long time ago!)

Also, sometimes when I love people I tend to overload them. I forget to give them space to breathe. Which is a big mistake, and usually I keep it under reasonable control. This was the odd exception.

And I'm struggling. Most of everything around me is changing and that leaves me all the more anxious and insecure. My relationship with my family feels like it's hanging by a thread, I miss my other family terribly and then there's the other issue that's been keeping me awake at night for quite a while now. This is not to say my problems are bigger that other people's. It's just that they're my problems and I've been having trouble coping with them.

So I directed all of that towards one simple thing.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pressured you. I'm sorry if I came across as disturbed and obsessive-compulsive. I'm sorry I made such a big deal out of this. And if it's any consolation, it only came to this because I thought (and still do) that you're the right person for this job. Out of all my friends. It was your opinion I wanted to hear. It was that simple.

1 comment:

Tati said...

1-oh pa..let it all out..o blog é teu...

2-deixa lá n es a as vezes tb sou mt chata ...
acontece. Errar tb é humano.Desde q tentems n repetir mts vezes...

3-Acho q a dança te está a fazer falta...