Troubleshooting Section: You will have many, many problems with your computer. Here are some common problems and their solutions.
Problem: My computer won't turn on.
Solution: Check to make sure the computer is plugged in; check to make sure the power button in the ON position; check the cables for damage; dig up underground cables in your garden and check for damage; drive out into the country and check electricity pylons for signs of fallen wires; call hotline.
Problem: My keyboard doesn't seem to have any keys.
Solution: Turn the keyboard the right way up.
Problem: My computer is a piece of useless junk.
Correct - and congratulations. You are now ready to upgrade to an Anthrax/3000 Turbo model, or to go back to pen and paper.
Notes from a big country, Bill Bryson