"Barry, if I were to say to you that I haven't seen Reservoir Dogs yet, what would that mean?"
Barry looks at me.
"Just... come on, what would it mean to you? That sentence? "I haven't seen Reservoir Dogs yet"?"
"To me, it would me that you're a liar. Either that or you've gone potty. You saw it twice. Once with Laura, once with me and Dick. We had that conversation about who killed Mr Pink or whatever fucking colour he was."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But say I hadn't seen it and I said to you, "I haven't seen Reservoir Dogs yet", what would you think?"
"I'd think, you're a sick man. And I'd feel sorry for you."
"No, but would you think, from that one sentence, that I was going to see it?"
"I'd hope you were, yeah, otherwise I would have to say that you're not a friend of me."
"No, but -"
"I'm sorry, Rob, but I'm struggling here. I don't understand any part of this conversation. You're asking me what I'd think if you told me that you hadn't seen a film that you've seen. What am I supposed to say?"
"Just listen to me. If i said to you -"
- "" I haven't seen Reservoir Dogs yet," yeah, yeah, I hear you - "
"Would you... would you get the impression that I wanted to see it?"
"Well... you couldn't have been desperate, otherwise you'd have already gone."
"Exactly. We went first night, didn't we?"
"But the word "yet"... yeah, I'd get the impression that you wanted to see it. Otherwise you'd say you didn't fancy it much."
"But in your opinion, would I definetely go?"
"How am I supposed to know that? You might get run over by a bus, or go blind, or anything. You might go off the idea. You might be skint. You might just get sick of people telling you you've really got to go."
I don't like the sound of that. "Why would they care?"
"Because it's a brilliant film. It's funny, and violent, and it's got Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth in it, and everything. And a cracking soundtrack."
Maybe there's no comparison between Ian sleeping with Laura and Reservoir Dogs after all. Ian hasn't got Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth in him. And Ian's not funny. Or violent. And he's got a crap soundtrack, judging from what we used to hear through the ceiling. I've taken this as far as it will go.
But it doesn't stop me worrying about the "yet".